Change is inevitable. Why hold onto what you have to let go of?

A few weeks ago, I was watching an episode from the Fox sitcom New Girl which centers around a group of loft-mates and their misadventures. One of the roommates, Schmidt, is shocked to hear about the big changes in an ex-roommate’s, Coach, life and is concerned about how much they have lost contact. He becomes even more worried when another roommate, Nick, points out, “Realistically, we’ll see him two or three more times in our lives. It’s sad, but it’s not that sad. Who cares, what’s for dinner?”

This scene particularly resonated with me. Having lived in six different countries and lost some friends along the way, I empathize with Schmidt’s sadness of losing touch with close friends. When I scroll through Facebook (which I hardly do anymore to avoid this gloom), I am surprised to find out that how much they have changed; some of them have transformed their appearance completely, while others are living in new countries. Conversely, I have also been Coach in this scenario, as I admittedly get lazy to contact people whom I neither see every day nor even live in the same time zone as me. Perhaps, I am a bad friend because I have ghosted a fair share of people in my life.

I have attempted to rectify these bad habits but these attempts occasionally result in disappointing outcomes. Two years after I left one of my schools in the United Kingdom, my family decided to stop over in Heathrow Airport from Greece before returning to Canada. I could barely get sleep in the night before I met my friends because a) I cannot adjust quickly to time zone change and b) I was anxious to meet them. I was eager to meet them because I obviously care for my friends, yet I was also concerned about how much they have changed. What if they have changed so much to the point that we sit in awkward silence? Could they even have changed within the space of two years? Could I have changed too?

When I arrived at school the next day, I was greeted with a swarm of warm hugs and friendly conversation. It was truly a lovely experience catching up with old friends… but I was left with a nagging thought that we would not have been friends had we met later. Their personalities had drastically changed, or maybe they had always been like that but I, two years removed from them, was now realising who they really are. Maybe, it’s me who has changed.

It is possible to blame myself and/or my friends for drifting apart. If I ever casually enter a Miss Universe pageant and the judges ask me about my biggest regret, my immediate response would be that I did not do enough to keep in touch my friends. Maybe, I did do enough to maintain my friendships but these friendships evanesce the moment we no longer see each other on a regular basis. As time passes, both parties inevitably change and it makes sense to let each other go, rather than holding onto this relationship with a stranger who shares cherished, but distant memories with you. Despite all the changes and lost friendships, the quirky, melancholic, and wonderful memories will never be lost.