Life as a Third Culture Kid, Part 1

Hi, I’m Debbie and I’m a junior at OHS. I’m a Korean American currently living in Seoul, South Korea. I was born in Providence, Rhode Island and have also lived in Massachusetts, New York, and Vancouver, Canada. I’ve lived in North America for most of my life but have been moving in and out of New York and Korea for the past five years. This is my forth year living in Korea!

Q: Can you tell us how different cultures you’ve been exposed to or grown up with have shaped your identity, if you have ever had a cultural identity crisis?

I don’t think that I was ever very patriotic about being American or Korean when I lived in the states. I wasn’t super American because I grew up with very Korean parents at home, but I wasn’t very Korean either because all of my friends were American and the only times I would be totally immersed in Korean culture was during the times I’d visit Korea over summer vacation.

When I first moved to Korea, getting used to the culture wasn’t exactly easy. I think that living in Korea is definitely comfortable in the aspect that the population is for the most part ethnically homogeneous. People treat each other like family overall. There is this sense of emotional attachment called “정” (pronounced Jung) that Koreans have for other Koreans. This word doesn’t have a direct translation in English. In Korea I don’t have to think about racism or worry about if people might find something that I do or my family does as foreign or awkward, for example, eating Korean food at school, parents being foreigners, and so on. Basically, Korea is just full of Koreans. In that sense I think after I moved to Korea I’ve felt more accepted to feel “Korean” than “American” although there are many times when it feels difficult to blend in with Korean culture because of the American culture I adopted at school.  

Q: Has it been difficult to be accepted in or adjust to different cultures in terms of beauty standards, manner expectations, etc.? What are some aspects of different cultures that you enjoy or find not so great?

I think that anywhere in the world there can be a feeling of distance between people of different ethnicities and cultures. I was never really bullied about my heritage culture, race, or anything like that growing up in America. But there were certainly times in elementary school when I felt bad that little kids would make racist jokes even if they didn’t mean harm, or times that I would be embarrassed about eating Korean food at lunch time because it “looked weird.” In terms of manner expectations I grew up learning the etiquette they pretty much teach you at any American school. I learned to sneeze in my elbow, raise my hand before I speak, chew with my mouth closed, say please and thank you, and so on. What was difficult for me when I moved to Korea was getting used to people not following this etiquette that I was familiar with.

My teachers used to emphasize so much that we should sneeze into our elbows to not spread germs. I might sound like a germophobe, but it makes me uncomfortable when people sneeze into the air or just cover their sneezes with their hands. Chewing with your mouth open isn’t considered rude in Korea, and a lot if not most people here don’t close their mouths when they chew. Even though years have passed, I still haven’t gotten used to the sound of people chewing haha.  

South Korea went from being one of the poorest countries in the world after the war to having one of the highest GDPs in the world. While it’s incredible how much Korea has done in less than 70 years, there is still cultural lag. I realized after I moved to Korea how organized, practical, and punctual the American culture was overall. America looked so “developed” compared to Korea to me.

When I was part of youth orchestras in America we would have practice for exactly two hours once a week. All of the Korean youth orchestras I’ve been a part of shared this same sense of people gathering more to have fun and to socialize than to practice music. Snack time and lunchtime in Korea are always very long. Practices were unnecessarily long (3-4 hours) considering that nobody was planning to major in music, and inefficient because people would arrive late. Many students barely practiced because they were busy with school, and there were so many times when being a part of orchestra was just for show, and the actual quality of work wasn’t considered important because just by being a part of orchestra helps one’s resume. This made it difficult to enjoy orchestra as much as I had enjoyed being a part of an orchestra when I lived in New York.

In Korea most students spend almost all of their time on academics. Your college degree is really important. America is huge. You can choose what level courses to take in high school. You don’t only have to study hard. In Korean middle schools everyone takes the same classes. In high school, students usually have to pick if they are going down the STEM track or humanities track. Once you pick your track or major, you take the same classes as everyone on the same track. I find it problematic that young students at age 15 aren’t able to explore a variety of classes and have to take classes that are set for them and their “major.” There is one college entrance exam each year, just one day, and it is possibly one of the most important days of the year here. People go to work an hour later than usual, and planes don’t even fly while students are taking their exams.

Although in America going to a prestigious university is still great, going to a state university or community college is also fine. Education doesn’t define happiness or necessarily guarantee you a better job. People won’t look down on you just because you didn’t go to a decent college. In America most of my teachers were easy-going and very encouraging. I’m not saying that in Korea, teachers are cruel. I had a lot of warm, kind-hearted, encouraging teachers. It’s just that in general, there are tendencies to train kids to be tough and “the best,” even if it means degrading them a bit or saying or asking things that will lower their confidence, which is apparently supposed to provide motivation for improvement. I think a lot of this has to do with the reason teens perform so highly in academics, but are not truly happy or healthy in many cases.