What OHS Taught Me about Friendship
I’ve been a student at OHS since seventh grade. I’ve had the full OHS experience: I started as a single-course student, taking OHS alongside a full-time brick-and-mortar school in Shanghai; I switched to full-time online school as an international student in Shanghai; and I moved to California before my senior year and experienced online school as a local student. In the past six years, I’ve probably spent thousands of hours reflecting on how attending OHS has shaped me, and I believe that community is (understandably!) one of the most underrated aspects of online school.
Most students who previously attended a brick-and-mortar school are used to spending at least five days a week with one another. In the transition to online school, we miss not only ‘big’ socialization opportunities (school trips, brunch, sleepovers, shopping, dates, etc.) but also ‘smaller,’ often-overlooked interactions (saying “hi” in the halls, waving across a room). However, I’ve found that comparing online socialization to in-person socialization can only lead to disappointment. Instead of viewing interacting with my friends through a screen as a mere reduction of the in-person experience, I try to be inspired by the unique experiences enabled by virtual spaces: becoming friends with people who I otherwise never would have had the chance to meet, 10+ hour phone calls with my best friends thousands of miles away, simultaneous engaging conversations with different people, the ability for multiple people to talk at once with combined calling and texting.
In an earlier editorial article, I wrote:
Sometimes participation is just a matter of sending a few messages in a Skype group, a thirty-minute meeting once or twice a month. It sounds like such trivial activities wouldn’t make a difference, but to put it grandly, these are moments where you have bravely chosen to reach out into the interwebs and found that your classmates—scattered across the globe, passionate about all sorts of different things—are not so far and unreachable after all.
It’s a little pretentious, but I genuinely find great comfort and awe in the realization that I’ve been able to build truly transcendent and life-long friendships at an online school. People don’t always use the language of “courage” to talk about friendship, but I’d argue that awkwardly texting a classmate you’ve never interacted with outside of class for homework help, and making daily efforts to reach out to build that friendship, takes bravery and commitment. Know that it is hard to maintain friendships from a distance, but remember that every text you send is a step you’re taking to commit to your relationships.
In the long-term, these small efforts to relate to one another are what create a community. I’m always amazed by how vibrant, tight-knit, and supportive the OHS community is — and I believe that it’s the result of every OHSer’s choice to keep in touch with their friends, participate in clubs, attend assemblies, peer review, and whatnot. Every day, we choose to overcome our various temporal and geographic barriers and reach out to one another. Because this is a choice that each of us can make, I truly believe that OHS doesn’t have to be a lonely experience.
I deeply sympathize with brick-and-mortar students who are frustrated by the inevitable loss of in-person interactions with their friends when attending online school. However, I offer the hopeful sentiment that our temporary separations can become the foundation for longer-lasting friendships.
An unfortunate truth about relationships is that people often need to go their separate ways. We graduate from high school and college, we find different jobs, we move to different cities, and in the various transitions of our lives, we must part with friends we’ve made along the way. While this prospect used to be distressing for me, my time at OHS has given me the confidence that my most resonant and genuine friendships will persist. We’ve already learned that spending less time together doesn’t mean we’re less close; we’ve learned how to be friends from an inconvenient distance. As difficult as it is to socialize from a distance, you may emerge from OHS with the wonderful realization that your friendships can withstand the partings to come.
In filling my life with relationships chosen and carefully developed, rather than relationships formed out of convenience, online school has helped me to appreciate the importance of high quality friendships in my life. The connections I experience on a daily basis fill my existence with meaning, and I’ve learned not to take these moments of resonance for granted — something I believe everyone experiences when moving from in-person interaction to online interaction. When social distancing was enforced due to COVID-19, I saw many social media posts reflecting on how people experienced a newfound appreciation for their friends and family. I think that online school helps us to more deeply cherish the time we get to spend with the people we love. When this pandemic is over, I hope that we each come out of our isolation with the conviction that we can survive each separation, and rejoice in each reunion.
Ultimately, I’ve been able to find meaningful and transcendent life-long friendships at OHS. I’ve found new ways to connect with my friends, rather than simply despairing during our time apart. At the same time, I fully recognize and sympathize with the fact that for most people — even OHSers! — online friendships just can’t be as fulfilling as in-person friendships. When you feel like you are missing out, I encourage you to feel what you need to feel. Then, text your OHS friends. Make time in your schedule to connect. I think you’ll find that when you reach out, your friends are only one call away.
This article is revised from a piece written for We Are Generation V, in which I focused on how brick-and-mortar students transitioning to online school as a result of COVID-19 could appreciate the experience of online friendships.