December Mental Health Column
This month in the Mental Health Support Column, an OHS peer Justine Ayelet Stern (’22) addresses mental health-related questions and concerns submitted from anonymous OHS students! The aim of the Support Series is to foster a community where one can freely express or ask questions related to mental health and get feedback.
Submission: How to manage/cope with gender dysphoria?
Response: Hi! This is an absolutely wonderful question for trans, non-binary, and gender-nonconforming students at our school! Both gender and dysphoria are complicated and weighty topics, and I have only directly experienced on one end of the gender-trouble puddle. There are a few things that I think are really useful for dealing with dysphoria, but first a note.
First off, not all trans, NB (short for non-binary, pronounced “enby”), and gender-nonconforming folk experience gender dysphoria; while it is a common experience, it is not a universal one, and it should be treated as such. Second, gender dysphoria is not exclusively linked to physical aspects; while much of the discussion of management of dysphoria is focused on physical aspects, and while physical aspects are often the most pressing matters, it is important to keep in mind that dysphoria simply describes any feeling of incongruence between your presence in society and your gender. Dysphorias can range from the obvious (Chest dysphoria, voice dysphoria, body, and facial hair dysphoria) to the abstract and (to non-trans people) sometimes absurd (when was the last time you heard tips for dealing with sneeze dysphoria?) Part of the reason the conversation gets so muddled is that there really is no one dysphoria. If there were, transition would be a whole lot easier. In reality, dysphoria is just as complex, multifaceted, and hydra-esque as gender itself. With that in mind, let’s examine a few common dysphorias and strategies to deal with them.
Name/Pronoun/Perception dysphoria: this one is pretty simple, and, frustratingly, the most out of our control. It is exactly what it sounds like – the dysphoria one gets from being perceived and interacted with incongruously from your gender. Of course, the only solution to this ultimately is to come out, but depending on the circle, that can be hard, really hard. A good resource is often to attend a meeting at a GSA, and try to find people to connect with. If you have a good circle of LGBTQ friends, you often automatically have a space where you can experiment with names, pronouns, and social interaction. This seems like an somewhat obvious step, but it can be a surprisingly difficult one to take at an online school such as ours, especially if you don’t want to get on camera and on mic due to voice dysphoria, which, speaking of, we should take some time to talk about.
Voice dysphoria: The dysphoria one experiences from speaking in registers, tones, and manners incongruous with your gender. This one is highly variable, since there is no *true* voice quality for any one gender, and many are happy to isolate their voice from gender altogether, but, if this is a source of dysphoria, there are certainly a few do’s and dont’s to keep in mind.
Don’t: Hurt your voice while trying to achieve a voice quality more congruous with your gender. This often happens when we trans people try to speak in a register that is out of our range. For folks who have had testosterone in their system at some point, this can manifest as a straining and subsequent damaging of the voice, and for folks who have not had a lot of testosterone in their system, this can manifest as intentionally damaging the voice with yelling to try and loosen/lower their voice. Both of these methods, as well as hurting, aren’t very effective, at least for most people. Do: focus on tone. Moving the focus of your voice forward or backward can have a huge effect on the way your voice is perceived and feels in your body. How exactly one does this is beyond the scope of this write-up, but if you can, try to get access to a voice therapist. A temporary proxy measure can be to practice humming, with your fingertips on your mouth, and trying to move your tongue to focus or defocus the vibrations at your mouth. Moving the sound forward can create a more feminine tone, and moving the sound backward can create a more masculine tone. The trick here is to never strain your voice, and always to focus on the easiest and least painful way to get your desired sound.
I don’t have many words left, but with regards to physical dysphoria, I have but one word piece of advice: Until you can get access to more affirming accessories, hoodies, sweatpants, and big fluffy coats are your best friend. Luckily for us, these are both currently in season and in style for people of any gender! With regards to more complex forms of dysphoria management, I must direct you elsewhere, specifically to: https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.com/. This website has miles upon miles of resources, and I still regularly find valuable information on here. Whatever I couldn’t say here, is talked about somewhere on this website! While it can get a little overwhelming at times, and I’m not sure how trustworthy it is for medical advice, it is a very good starting point for understanding future steps in various directions.
- Justine Ayelet Stern (’22)
Need advice on mental health, wellness, or academic stress? Anonymously submit your question here for a chance to get advice from an OHS counselor or peer in the next Pixel Journal issue.